Amy On The Prairie

Isn’t it the truth that when you say something stupid, you have no idea at the time? I was single and childless for what seemed like forever. Plenty of time for lots of pre-baby judgments.  I am mother to two beautiful girls and, now that I have time to take a breath, my idiotic pre-children notions are all coming back to me now.

Humor is what makes my world go ’round and I don’t mind if it’s at my expense. If you would like a good laugh, I’ll share things I thought before I had kids.

#1 – I will always go out! I loved the nightlife in my 20s. Conservatively, I went out after work two to three times a week and definitely hit the town on the weekends. I never totally understood why people with kids didn’t go out much. I seriously thought that would never be me. I get it now. Parents are exhausted. All the time. I am never up past 10 o’clock because my cherubic daughters wake me up every morning at sunrise and often earlier.

#2 – I will always exercise! I didn’t understand why some moms stopped exercising when they have kids. Truly. I am a runner. That’s how I identified myself. I started running 5Ks when I was in the 3rd grade. I pictured myself running with my child in a sleek jogging stroller, pretty much as soon as I left the hospital.  Before kids my opinion was, “God gave us jogging strollers, thou shalt run.”

And then I got pregnant. I was sick constantly and the thought of running made me ill.  I barely got out walking and when I did my husband sometimes had to push me and the belly up the final hill near our house. After our first daughter was born it took me several months to work up to running again. We received a jogging stroller as a gift and we used it a lot. Not as much as before, but a decent amount. 

Then, we welcomed our second daughter.  I will never forget what a young, idiot male doctor said to me, “Make sure you exercise. Just put both girls in a stroller and go for a walk or a run.”  Seems easy right?  My girls are 22 months apart. The odds that both girls have a clean diaper and/or went potty recently, are fed and awake is as rare as me wearing high heels now. It is so damn hard to find the exact right time when both kids’ basic needs are even partially met. I had more than a few walks end abruptly with one or both girls wailing for one reason or another. It definitely got much easier when my youngest turned the magical age of 6 months and was eligible to be in the drop-off childcare at the community center.  Both girls love going to the “play gym” now and I am able to get a short workout in. It still takes a massive amount of planning and I’m sometimes interrupted mid-workout to change a dirty diaper. Suffice it to say, I will never ever again judge a mom for not exercising. In fact, if you see a mom exercising with or without kids, shout out a big, “Woo Hoo!” Just leaving the house is a monumental effort, never mind putting one foot in front of the other.

#3 – I will always make time for my husband. I am still of the opinion that it is important to find time for your partner and keep the fire burning. The problem is our children run us ragged. By the time both girls are asleep, we slump on the couch and stare at each other with what could best be described as post-traumatic stress syndrome astonishment. We get a date night every once in a while, but a lot of the time our routine and our daughters get in the way. The good news is things get better every day as our girls get more self-sufficient.

#4 – I will never let myself go. I like fashion. I like following some of the trends (ponchos excepted) and in my 20s my biggest fear was jumping off the fashion train. I would look at some women on the bus and think, “You graduated high school in 1987 and you never let go, did you sweetie?”  I did not want that to be me. I swore I would always keep my look current and age appropriate, thank you very much. Here’s the rub. Pregnancy contorts your body, motherhood shifts priorities all around, and a post-pregnancy body is not a good match for skinny jeans, at least not for me.  More than my body shape, I think my barrier to staying current in fashion is time. It is hard to find time for myself period. Time to get a haircut, shop, and get gussied up? Puhlease!  Frankly, when I do get a chance sometimes I just want to sit, eat buttered popcorn and read a freakin’ magazine. 

I have a system now where I can get ready pretty quickly and I shop online. Getting a haircut is much easier now that the girls are older, but now I have a new challenge – money! With two girls in daycare, our childcare expenses are equal to our mortgage – no joke! Even if I had the time to browse the stores, I can no longer afford to plunk down my credit card for the latest boots or flouncy blouse.  All in all, I’m doing ok in the fashion department. I’ll give myself a B or B-, but I’m just one pajama-pant-at-the-grocery-store away from a What Not to Wear episode (my favorite TLC show!!)

#5 – I will never let my friendships go. This one is surprisingly sensitive for me. Possibly even more than not having enough time for my husband. Honestly, it is hard to find time for my girlfriends. I wish it weren’t so. My friendships are extremely important to me. I had an inkling that it would be difficult to make time for friends, but the reality totally surprised me.  It’s not a singleton-smug married issue, it’s a kid issue.  For me, the two main issues are naps and health.  Many of my close friends had kids at the same time we did. I pictured idyllic playdates with drinks for the mommies. Ah, dreams. It is extremely unlikely that all kids are healthy and the nap times are in sync. Instead of playdates with kids, we now get together monthly for wine book club to escape to a kid-free restaurant.

#6 – I will never tape a bow to my kid’s bald head. I have to end on a funny note. It’s imperative. I really hated the baby headband look. But, then we got baby headbands as a gift and they looked so stinking cute on my girls.  Witness the cuteness.

I love my daughters and my husband. Truly, madly, deeply. My life is different now. Sure, there’s a lot less time to focus on myself, but I was ready to care about life and people beyond me. To be trite, life is good.

Your turn. What surprised you about parenting? What did you swear you would never do when you had kids? Spill it!

Tags: Babies, Before kids, finding time for myself, Kids, Motherhood, My life before kids, Parenting